Today...

Today I spent almost £100 on having a full head of highlights on my hair, I do feel like I look more like the old me...
I then spent/wasted whatever you wish to call it, £40 on seeing a physic called Susan, as soon as I sat down she said 'Ahh Sophie you are so sad, you're recently single aren't you' me nod and swallow lump.
The reading was not what I'd hoped for, Mr Devine apparently isn't right for me and I'm going to be alone for a long time. 'You don't like being lonely do you Sophie? Well you need to get used to it as it's going to be a while' GRRRRRREAT!!! Heard a lot of crap that I am a happy person and worry too much about everyone else and my mum is worried about me oh and I have a major shoe fetish (didn't need a physic to tell me that!). I walked away absolutely sobbing and feeling rather shit about my 'sitch.
What a pointless waste of time, I know this crap isn't true but I needed to hear something positive.

Me and my friend got a Chinese takeaway and my little money Ruby (Black lab, more about them in other posts) ate an entire 1/4 Duck (bone included), 2 plates of chinese and god knows what else. She ate all of this off of the dining room table whilst we popped upstairs for 2 minutes to look at some of my shoes.
To say I am dreading what I wake up to in the morning would be a bit of an understatement!! Damn dog... I'd like my mum & dad to come home from holiday now.

My old Nan is poorly too. Not been well for ages now and was rushed to Addenbrooks last night.. We're all so worried about her but she will not have it that she is getting very old (88) and she can't look after herself.
I hope that she is better in time for cousin Flicks wedding to Ben next Saturday.

@TheNoteBook quotes today:
- What hurts even more then losing someone you love, is knowing that they're not even fighting to keep you
- People break-up all the time, mainly for the wrong reasons. They let the smallest things tear apart something beautiful
- Sometimes 2 people have to fall apart just to realize how much they need to fall back together again.
- If you're important to someone, they will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies and no broken promises

I'm struggling to 'think positive' at the moment, I just wish for my gorgeous boy to love me the way he used to...

Over and out
Tinkerbell x

Would have been 6 Years Today...

Ok... So today should have been mine and Mr Devines 6 year anniversary. The fact that we're not together and spending the evening celebrating makes me really sad. It's such a shame he caught Peter Pan Syndrome.
I can't help but think back to this time last year when we went to a really flash place in Brookmans Park for a lovely meal, where we chatted about the previous 5 years together what was next... I'm gutted there is no 'whats coming next'

I hold my hands up and I did text him this morning;
Me: I'll be thinking about us all day today, I wish we could have made 6 years Gorgeous Boy xx
Him: I won't lie, today is hard :-( xx
*queue lump in throat and welling up eyes*

I recently added @TheNoteBook onto my Twitter account and they have tweeted lots of lovely quotes this past few days, I feel like they are all aimed and me!

- Don't give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about
- If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you will miss finding  someone who treats you like a priority
- If you fight like you're married, talk like best friends, and flirt like first loves, you're meant to be
-  Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish them

I'm pining for us to work it out but reality is we were together for 6 years and he made any excuse not to buy a house with me, he wouldn't calm down any of his football or cricket (I'm not a nag but 6 days a week is a bit excessive), he never put me first and was a tiny bit lazy. 
I want to be his priority like he is mine, I want us to be on the same page, but we're not....
Maybe its not Peter Pan Syndrome, maybe I'm just not his Tinkerbell. Shame :-(

Lonely...

I've never really experienced being lonely before, I find myself alone all the time recently.
My 6 year relationship has ended which has hit me like a slow moving train and now I have no idea what to do.
I have hardly any single friends, I have LOTS of engaged friends and  I have even more happy in relationship friends. Whilst I am a miserable, could-cry-at-any-moment mess...I never really thought I'd stop forgetting to breathe like I have these past 8 weeks.


* I could leave the country move somewhere far away and start again but I'm not sure it would help. My heart & head have to come with me right?
* I could do something life changing, start a career I've always wanted to do but there are several things I fancy and I'm a terrible decision maker so that's no good.
* I could party hard, drink heavy and find someome to boost my ego but that will definitely make me feel like crap.
* I could keep busy take each day as it comes and see what happens.... yea that sounds good. But, I don't actually think I have a choice.


'Times a healer, Plenty more fish in the sea, you're too good for him' and such do not help me feel any better. Not one bit..


Being a grown up sucks... Just saying...


xxx